Mom: I was listening to the conversation between the teacher and the woman. But I’m in the opposite situation with the woman. I am a bad mother. I put too much pressure on my daughter. I was forced to study and I was condemned a lot to live politely. Then I thought my daughter would be big. But her 18-year-old daughter is not coming out of her own room. He refuses to talk to me and does not meet his friends. What can I do?
Old Man: Why did you force her daughter to study and get scolded a lot?
Mom: My daughter wants to go to a good school and she wants to be someone who doesn’t blame others.
Old Man: It can be. Any mother will have the same expectations as you. But what does she like if her daughter goes to a good school and she doesn’t criticize others?
Mom: I wanted my daughter to live happily.
Old Man: I did it for her daughter’s happiness in the end. So she says, if her daughter is happy, what will she like for you?
Mom: … I don’t think there’s much improvement in me.
Old Man: No. Humans don’t act unless they are motivated. If you make her daughter happy, what will she like for you?
Mom: … I felt like I would be happy too.
The woman asked the old man a question.
Mom: I was listening to the conversation between the teacher and the woman. But I’m in the opposite situation with the woman. I am a bad mother. I put too much pressure on my son. I was forced to study and I was condemned a lot to live politely. Then I thought my son would be big. But the 18-year-old son is not coming out of his room. He refuses to talk to me and does not meet his friends. What can I do?
Old Man: Why did you force your son to study and get scolded?
Mom: I wanted my son to go to a good school and to be someone who doesn’t swear by others.
Old Man: It can be. Any mother will have the same expectations as you. But what gets better if my son goes to a good school and doesn’t swear by others?
Mom: I wanted my son to live happily.
Old Man: In the end, I did it for my son’s happiness. So what’s better for you when your son is happy?
Mom: … I don’t think there’s much improvement in me.
Old Man: No. Humans don’t act unless they are motivated. If you make your son happy, what will he like for you?
Mom: … I felt like I would be happy too.
Old Man: Wasn’t it happy then?
Mom: Yes, it was. It was so hard as I was run over by work and housework. My relationship with my husband was also bad.
Elderly man: Yes, it must have been hard and physical strength as I did a lot of work. And you wouldn’t have comforted your husband either. So did you want to be happy?
Mom: Yes, I wanted to be happy.
Old Man: So what did you do to be happy?
Mom: My son was my only pleasure. I think I lived with only my son who listened to me and studied well.
Old Man: Your son’s happiness was yours. But you are unhappy, so what happened to your daughter in the end? Was your son happy?
The child’s mother started crying when asked by the old man. People who listened to the conversation by her side also handed over a handkerchief. The old man was waiting silently until the mother of her child opened her mouth. With tears, she asked the old man again.
Mom: Teacher, then what should I do? What should I do?
Old Man: You should be happy even now.
Mom: But my child is doing that right now. He doesn’t want anyone to meet, and he doesn’t even leave the room. But how can you live happily by seeing your daughter’s misfortune?
Old Man: When your child was young, didn’t you think the same thing? Didn’t you think you should have a hard time paying attention to both the outside and the housework? Didn’t you think it had to be hard because your husband didn’t care?
Mom: Yes, that’s right. I wasn’t happy.
Old Man: Is it a situation that you shouldn’t be happy with?
Mom: How can a person live happily in such a situation? Even my husband had an affair.
Old Man: Such a situation is a situation where you cannot be happy? Is there any law that should be unconditionally unhappy when a husband cheats? So what happened to your son in the end? What would have happened to your son if he could have lived happily even though there were a lot of hard work at that time?
Mom: I think it would have been a little better than now.
Old Man: Yes, that’s right. There is no situation where you have to be unhappy unconditionally. Even if I’m in hell, if I’m happy, it’s heaven. Even if her son is sick and struggling, her mom has to live happily smiling.
Mom: But now my son is so difficult, how can I, as a mother, live with a smile?
Old Man: You think like that again. There’s no such thing as an unhappy situation. And if the son is struggling, her mother should live even more happier. Do you want to hold the hand of her mother who is struggling and crying, or do you want to hold the hand of a happy mother laughing in any situation? Answer me.
Mom: I want to hold a happy mother’s hand. My mother was also unhappy.
Old Man: Yes, that’s right. So mom must be happy unconditionally. So the son won’t come out of the room and try to hold her mother’s hand. So, to empower her child, her mother must be happy. She should be happy even when things got hard, and she should be happy even when the family relationship is bad. Even if your son is dying, you have to be happy. So that her daughter won’t stand up again while holding her mother’s hand. Just as misfortune stood on her mother and passed on to her son, try to transfer her happiness. Then it works.
The expressions of those who listened to the old man’s stories became brighter. There are no situations where I should be unhappy, there are no situations where I should not be happy, and rather, it was because of the happy mom story that my happiness is for my children. People seemed to have laid down the heavy burden of ‘good parents’ little by little when they sweat hard and live in distress.
